Do This Before You File for Divorce

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A police officer friend of mine, whom we’ll call Ryan, couldn’t take it anymore. 

  • The constant change in parenting time caused by the constant change in his shift schedule; 
  • The barrage of emails he was receiving daily from opposing counsel; and,  
  • The high child and spousal support expectations he was faced with being a “high earner.” 

Six months of divorce litigation had put Ryan $30,000 in debt. He’s trying to push for the sale of the house before the summer season ends, but his ex is rejecting every decent offer they get.  

We met at a coffee shop to discuss. He looked worn out and pale, his eyes droopy and red. He honestly looked 10 years older than his age. 

Lawyer vs. Lawyer 

I wished I could help Ryan, because divorce is what I do. The problem is, Ryan decided on a “lawyer vs lawyer” divorce.  His soon-to-be-ex was against mediation. She was adamant that only a lawyer could truly “get her what she deserves from this split.” 

The interesting thing is that during our coffee get together, Ryan talked more about what he suffered through at work than he did about his personal life.  

Ryan has always felt tremendous pride in the work that he does. This time however, his energy when he talked about his work was different. He expressed feeling like he is on autopilot during his shifts, his mind often wandering to the list of divorce-related issues he would need to address during his off-work waking hours, he was tired and uninterested.  

He felt disappointed and a little bit guilty when his boss had come to him the day before and told him that his accuracy and productivity at work has come down noticeably.  


According to HR Zone, “The strain of dealing with so many difficult and emotional tasks leave many exhausted physically and psychologically and in consequence, less able to concentrate at work.

The reduction in productivity for an employee going through a break up has been estimated to be a huge 40%, “and it continues for a long time afterwards.” 

Ryan explains the experience of working during divorce, as walking uphill while carrying heavy bricks of cement. 

Divorce is hard on the employee, the employees’ colleagues, and the employer.  

That’s why we have created a resource just for shift workers experiencing divorce. It’s called SPLIT|Shift and it’s a webinar we recommend to watch before you file for divorce, because it gives you step by step instructions for how to divorce constructively. 

We stay focused on costs, communication and co-parenting, so you and your ex can break it off in a constructive, affirming way. 

If you know someone who works and is getting divorce, please send them here to get more information. 

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