Divorce & Financial Stability
Let’s be clear, a lot of the frustration and confusion that stems from dealing with separation and divorce is a result of the fear of not having financial stability.
What exacerbates this fear is the fact that for almost all ex-couples, one typically manages the money in the household, and the other takes a back seat. This even applied in my own marriage. Until a few years ago when I took a decision that I’m jumping from the backseat to the passenger seat – not quite the driver’s seat- my husband was always in charge of where our paycheques go and how we spend them.
I don’t blame him for it. He did it because I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t because….well, I counted on him.
The problem is when ex-couples are suddenly dealing with separation and divorce, they both have to deal with the money aspect too. There is no backseat here. The one who insists on taking a neutral non-voting position, is faced with not only financial hardships as soon as those papers are signed, but often lives their life in regret and resentment towards the other side, and themselves.
Those usually will say things like, “at least I have my kids”, or “At least we didn’t fight for years in court”, or “having a clean break was more important to me”.
I heard this quote one time and it cannot be more true here:
“Be careful when you’re trying to ‘keep the peace’ you’re not starting a war inside.”
I support all the above, and I’m telling you: You can have a fair and equitable split AND have all those things too.
I GET IT, IT’S SO DARN HARD.
Man, it must be one of the worst experiences in the world.
You’re living a stable life with your high earning spouse. Your kids are going to school and activities in your neighbourhood. You take vacations every summer.
Now you’re sitting across the table from your spouse, and they’re telling you that everything is going to be divided and you need to start planning where you’re going to live. You realize your paycheque isn’t going to be enough to get you by. Then all the other money pieces start creeping up on you…
- Kids’ activities
- School fees
…will you ever afford a vacation?
So you shut down. It is taking up too much of your mental and emotional energy, which already feels depleted and inaccessible.
Here I want you to breathe. No really, take a deep breath. Actually, take three.
And know this: There are three money elements in a separation/divorce that are important to understand:
- The Division of Family Property
- Child Support
- Spousal Support
In the next little while I will go through those elements in detail. If you and your spouse are choosing the amicable divorce route, you’re already on the winning side because you don’t have to only rely on “what the law says” but also, what you each need and can handle in going forward.
Wondering how any or all of the three elements affect you specifically? Book a consult.
The decision to separate from your partner is not an easy one. The un-coupling of your relationship comes with all sorts of uncomfortable, and bitter feelings. In addition to the emotions, you must deal with the logistics of separation, such as dividing your assets and liabilities, finding a new home, and negotiating a parenting plan if you share children.